Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
