I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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