For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
