I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i barfeds in our rink
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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