Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
