I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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