So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
