I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
