i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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