I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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