I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
