I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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