Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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