mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
