Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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