I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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