im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
