i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
two words: eviction party
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
