if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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