3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
