Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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