Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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