i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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