life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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