this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
