i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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