ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
