So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
