Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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