How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
