i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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