You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
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Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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