Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
