My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
