How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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