You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
