we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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