i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
