you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
