You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
