Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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