I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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