ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
