Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
love makes seman taste better
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize