Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
