He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
