just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
