the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
