he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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