Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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