He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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