No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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