He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
