I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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