I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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