i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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