the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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