I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bring money and cleavage
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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