i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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